Wednesday, January 22, 2014

SAG Awards - AKA the MAG (as in Magnificent) or the BAG (as in Bag it!)

Well, well. Despite feeling under the weather (what exactly does that mean. Aren't we always sort of under the weather? Or, I guess we are all more in the weather? I don't know. I'm obviously delirious), I finally am doing the SAG posty post.

Thanks so much to any and all who are reading. I really do appreciate it.

ONTO Snarkdom!

We'll start with the good ones again, k? There were only a handful of dresses that stood out in the pretty department for me. However, there were quite the LARGE field of dresses of the majorly UGH variety this time. Or maybe I'm just getting nastier with age, which is entirely possible. I will have you know I actually deleted quite a few that were on my worst-dressed list - like Amy Adams, Claire Danes and Cate Blanchette - they made most other best-dressed lists, but I simply did not like their dresses AT ALL. However, they were beat out by the utter sea of terribleness that graced the SAG red carpet!

Here we go.

The best best best best BEST of the night was again Lupita Nyong'o (and it's something that I can spell that now without even having to look it up):

Everything with this look is so gorgeous and pretty and THAT COLOR on her beautiful skin. Hair, makeup, jewelry, the fit of the dress! So flawless. And she won for her category and I'm really happy for her. 

Second place for me goes to Anna Gunn from Breaking Bad (one of the best TV series ever). Such a lovely color for her and it flattered her and brought out her pretty eyes. She tends to wear blush/skin tone dresses and can look washed out (which I thought was the case at the Golden Globes). This is just a pretty look all the way from head to toe and I love her loosy-goosy hair, the earrings and the clutch! I like when looks aren't too matchy matchy.
 

Next up? Jennifer Garner. While this is not the most exciting look or dress, she just looks so chic and demure and the dress fits her perfectly. Remember, too, this lady's had babies! She looks lovely.


Honorable mentions for me are: Elizabeth Moss, Gretchen Mol and Kelly Osbourne!
Not wild about the red color on her, but everything else is great here. 

This is different and I think it fits her perfectly. Some didn't like the t-shirty look, but I thought it was interesting and certainly flatters her perfect figure. Her hair, makeup and shoes are also just spot-on. Nothing wrong going on here.


 
Kelly! Looking faboo! This Zac Posen gown accentuated her in all the right places. Beautiful.
But honey? It's time to lose the silly pinky-lavender hair. Ok? 
I'm glad we had this talk. 


Now, onto the W   I   D   E field of Huhs? I shake my head at a lot of these and the others? Speechless. But I'll do my best for you, my 2 or 3 readers!! 


First up, the winner of the Oh No She DI-INT Award of the Evening: Mariah Carey.
Five words for Mimi:

FOR THE LOVE OF PETE.

This woman has millions upon millions upon MILLIONS of dollars. Why? WHY? WHYYYYY? The entire get-up is trashy and gross and the leather glove things? Ridiculous. I guess they were fishnet hose, too, as if she wasn't already street-walkery enough looking.


Mayim Bialik. Girl, I understand that your religion dictates that you cover your arms and look respectful and demure. But honestly? Why do you need to look like THIS? Honey. I know you also have a few dollars in the bank. Please find someone who will help you. This is just a big ugly lavender tablecloth with a modified ceremonial funeral scarf for a top. NO. And then there's the hair and the makeup and oh, boy. Please just find someone to help. 


Rose Leslie is next. Bra, anyone? WTF? Is this some sort of dare?


OK. Julie Bowen. AGAIN. This looks like a costume gone bad to me. Cowboy polyester play-time meets orange Madonna corset on top. I will say that at least she's gotten rid of the bows, bustles, gee-gaws, folds, shoulder pads and poufy princessy crap. So, there's that. But I really don't like the colors. The bottom would be okay with something else edgy on top, in my opinion. Which is redundant. 

Amanda Peet. Okie dokie. Ummmm, now....what? We've got the puffy striped sleeves, a shiny-patterned vest looking thing over that and then a different shiny-patterned skirt that is tea-length. Clunky gross shoes, bad hair, no jewelry (which is a blessing) and hardly-there makeup. This is decidedly NOT an awards-show type of get-up. I don't know where a person might wear this. Amish prom perhaps?


Kerry, sweetie. No. No no no no no. Not ever.


Oh, for Pete's SAKE again. Sarah Paulson. That hair? Princess dress? You are not 12 years old. Please, gurrrl. Yeesh.


And here Julia Roberts in her new role as Pepto-Gumby! In theaters this summer!


And last, but of course, never least is Sandra Bullock. She's wearing some upholstery fabric that they had left over from re-doing the curtains on a cruise ship. More than anything, this is just disappointing because up until the Golden Globes (which were also a miss for me) she has been looking beyond beautiful. This dress is just weird and the bottom is weird and it looks like it just might fall off at any second! Plus, either do the high-low thing, the slit or the weird bow thingy at the waist. One of those elements would be plenty. Simplicity is always best. CoCo Chanel advised that "Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and take one thing off."  I think the same goes for design - don't make it over-complicated or it just is a big fail.

So, that's it! That's what all two of you have been waiting for! Woot woot!

Hope it was satisfyingly snarky!

Ciao for today.

1 comment:

  1. I read somewhere that Kelly O. is required by contract to keep her hair that atrocious color. Why?!?! It's horrible & does nothing for her.

    ReplyDelete